


Wet Concrete

by Torchiclove



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Church AU, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, eridan and sollux are sarcastic assholes, just a bunch of sad gay youth group members, the high school experience
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-16
Updated: 2017-11-04
Packaged: 2018-05-01 21:05:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5220788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Torchiclove/pseuds/Torchiclove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which the signless is a preacher and various other characters are part of his church, Sollux is a sheltered church kid, and he's pretty chill until Eridan come along and ruins everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. ===> Sollux: Get Your Life Ruined

You walked outside into the damp air, your feet making soft noises on the cold concrete. This wasn’t the nicest place-whenever it rained, water dripped from the roof and puddled up, giving the whole area the feeling of a cellar despite being in open air. The trees were heavy with rain from earlier, a few drops escaping from the sodden leaves. As you walked further, you noticed someone leaning against the wall. They looked bored as they scrolled through something on their phone, scowling at it the whole time. You thought of saying something but before you could, they noticed you and looked up with a sneer.

“What’re you doing out here? Service is starting in a few minutes if…”

They looked up and rolled their eyes, shoving their phone into their pocket. “Look, I’m not here for no service, just a guy waitin’ on his ride, tryin’ to kill some time.” You were taken aback by his rudeness.

“What the hell are you doing here then?” You asked. It was a bit feeble; you were used to knowing everyone around here.

“Look, my shitbag brother dragged me over here sayin' somethin' about some fine honey he’s lookin’ to score with an’ I ain’t got no choice but to wait out here for him to get rejected so I might as well do it in peace.” He turned away from you, showing clear disgust as he wrapped his scarf tighter around his neck. It amazed you how many words he was able to get out in one breath.

"No one here is gonna want to hook up with anyone, especially not if your brother’s anything like you,” You said dryly. Whoever this guy was, he was really starting to get on your nerves.

“Not my business. Now, don’t you have somewhere to be, church boy?” He waved his hand dismissively. You started on an indignant reply but decided that this asshole wasn’t worth your time. You returned his look of disgust and went back into the church, settling down into a empty pew.

You didn’t pay much attention to the lesson that Wednesday. Something about loving thy neighbor.

The next week, you went outside a little earlier. Church was only a little bit after school ended and you were always there early. In the same spot, with the same bored expression, and with the same douchey scarf, was the guy from last time.

“Oh, look who it is!” He said, rolling his eyes as you walked up to him. “What do you want?”

“Who are you?” You asked.

"What kinda question is that?”

“If you’re gonna loiter around here like a huge waste of space I want to at least know your name, asshole.” He was already testing your patience.

He paused for a second. “Eridan Ampora.” He stuck out his hand in a gesture that seemed only partially facetious. “You?”

“Sollux Captor,” you said, shaking his hand. You couldn’t help but notice the an expensive-looking ring and manicured nails, along with how cold his skin was. 

“Like I told ya before, I’m only here because my brother's my ride an’ he’s tryin’ to get with someone.” He didn’t want to argue with you, you could tell.

“Why, of all places, would he choose a church to hook up with people?” You questioned.

“The guy's a fuckin’ idiot, okay. Someone caught his eye, see, and now he’s gonna chase 'em around til it’s too much trouble to keep goin’. Don’t ask me why, ‘cause I couldn’t tell ya,” he said, laughing a little bit through his exasperation.

"So, you have the misfortune of being stuck here,” you said with a bit of sarcasm. You started to think the conversation sounded a bit amicable.

“No fuckin’ shit, sherlock. I gotta deal with the gross wet concrete and the assholes questionin’ me left and right, I deserve a damn medal for the shit I go through.” There went the friendliness in his tone.

“Wow, imagine talking to an insufferable prick! I can’t believe what that’s like,” You snapped, rolling your eyes at Eridan’s stupid sneer.

“Oh, fuck off,” was all he said before pulling his phone out of his pocket. He started fiddling with it and you left even more angry and confused than last time.

Of course, he was there the next Wednesday. Again, he was the first to say something. You thought a little bit of his initial hostility was melting away, at least.

“So, whoever Cronus was after is diggin’ him. Eats his shit right up. Looks like I’ll be here for a while.”

“Aw, you sound disappointed. Don’t you love seeing me?” You asked, smiling as he rolled his eyes.

“Every time I hear your dumb ass lisp I die a little inside,” he said, completely deadpan.

“Wow. I’m so offended," You said, completely deadpan.

“Shut the fuck up an' go to church.” That ended the conversation.

Very soon, you found out that Eridan Ampora was in your grade. The high school in your town was pretty small, and you recognized his face in the hallways, but you didn’t have any classes with him. That didn’t surprise you; he didn’t seem like the type of guy who would take honors classes. You hadn’t yet talked to him outside the few minutes you spent together every Wednesday afternoon and you figured it would stay that way. Every time you made awkward eye contact on the way to class, neither of you said anything. Outside Wednesday afternoons, he may as well have not existed.

Meanwhile, you two had busied yourselves with trying to deduce who Cronus going to the church for. It had been a few weeks, so you were both certain whatever he was doing was working.

"He hasn’t really said much about them. Only mentioned that it surprised him that he scored,” Eridan said.

"Trust me, I know everyone here, and I’d be surprised if anyone hooked up with your greasy ass brother. There aren’t that many youth, though. He is after someone his own age, right?” You wouldn’t put it past an Ampora to prey on younger girls.

“Of course! Yeah he’s fuckin’ stupid but he ain’t THAT fuckin’ stupid. Whoever it is, they’re legal, but not over 19. Probably same age as Cro. Definitely still in high school, too.” You had both taken to sitting down on the concrete, backs against the hard wooden walls. The place still had an air of dampness to it, but it wasn’t uncomfortable.

"That narrows it down to, like, three girls. Has he said anything about what she looks like?” You asked, mentally going through the possibilities. It was a tiny church, and most of the members were pretty old. Almost all of the youth had parents that held some kind of position at the church.

“He never mentioned they were a girl, so I’d broaden your list a little. An' I haven’t managed to get any details other than they’re attractive. That’s by Cro’s standards, though, not mine. They could be a trash can for all I know.” His tone was casual but you were caught up with one thing he said.

“So is your brother, like, gay?” You asked.

“Holy shit. I shoulda expected this from the church kid, I’m so fuckin’ stupid.” Eridan put his face in hands and gave a long sigh. “Are you gonna be a dick about it, cause I’ll tell you right now Eridan Ampora ain’t straight by any standards.”

“No, I won’t be a dick. It’s just not something I’m used to. So what is he then?” You really didn’t know much about sexuality; you didn’t really think about it. It’s not a subject that got brought up a lot in a religious household.

"Cro and I are both pansexual. You’re a techy guy, fuckin’ Google it. Your parents don’t monitor your internet history or some shit do they?” He asked, seeming kind of relieved. It was your turn to roll your eyes.

“That only happens in movies, dude.”

“I used to think 'church kids’ only happened in movies and yet here you are,” he said.

"Shut up, asshole,” you said, punching him lightly in the arm.

It didn’t come up again, but the talk about sexuality stayed in the back of your mind for the rest of the day. It was something you’d never really formed an opinion on. You knew, of course, homophobia was a thing Christians did. You didn’t know, however, if homophobia was a thing that the particular Christians you knew did. It was never talked about; you never heard pastor Vantas mention it. Eridan marveled at what a sheltered life you led, but you didn’t realize how right he was until now.

You googled pansexual when you got home. “Attraction regardless of gender” was the most concise definition you got. It seemed simple enough; you understood. And yet you were still trying to wrap your head around the whole idea, something that seemed so foreign to you. You thought about asking your dad what he thought about gay people. You didn’t ask him.

“So, like, is everybody attractive?” You asked the next Wednesday.

“No,” Eridan said, sighing. “People who are attractive are attractive. And their gender isn’t a factor in it.”

"Okay, the makes sense, I guess. Just, different." You said. You thought you understood, at least as much as you could without thinking about it for a while.

There was a brief silence, and you broke it with a question you knew you shouldn't ask. "So, what's it like, then? Being with a dude, you know."

Eridan looked at the sky from where he was sitting, staring pensively at the passing clouds. "It's like bein' with a girl, I guess. There's some differences, but it varies from person to person. It's nice, I guess." He finally said, turning his head to look at you.

"That was probably, like, super insensitive," you said as a sort of indirect apology.

"Yeah, pretty much. I don't mind, though. As long as your not a dick about it, ya know."

"Um, thanks. Sorry, I'm just curious, but, how different is it, really?" You felt a little bad for prying, but your mouth didn't listen to your brain telling it to shut up.

"It's hard to describe," Eridan said, shrugging. After a brief, thoughtful moment he turned to you and said, "Why don't you decide?".

He leaned over and pressed his lips to yours. You jumped a little with shock, but you didn't move away. Your brain shorted out for a few second that seemed like a century, and it was Eridan that moved away. It wasn't a deep kiss, but you felt breathless. Neither of you knew what to say. You stared at eachother for another small eternity.

Finally, eyes full of worry, Eridan broke the silence.

"Shit, I'm sorry, I really shouldn'ta done that, fuck," he said in a strangely hushed tone.

"Dude, chill," you said without really thinking about it. You put a hand on his shoulder and kept him from backing away from you.

"No, really, I'm so fuckin' sorry," he said softly, hints of panic creeping up into his shaky voice.

"Don't be sorry. It's okay." Honestly, you didn't know if it was okay. Part of you was freaking out-never once in your life had you thought about kissing other guys. It was like some sort of switch had flipped in your brain and everything was a too overwhelming.

You wanted to run away. You wanted to forget everything that just happened. You wanted to kiss Eridan again. You did none of those.

You stood up on shaky legs and took your hand off Eridan's shoulder. "See you next week," you said almost robotically as you walked into the church.

The weight of what happened didn't really hit you until the next day. 

You felt guilty, first of all. You didn't know exactly why you felt guilty, but it was there, gnawing at you all day. You were hiding something, something filthy and embarrassing. You were a little disgusted with yourself. You saw Eridan in the hallways just like every other day, but now it was different. An interesting mix of emotion flashed within you in the few seconds you locked eyes with him.

You were desperate for his lips against yours one more time.

There was a sinking feeling in your gut when you realized that yes, he was real and no, it was not a crazy dream. And mostly, you were angry. A little angry at him, yeah, but mostly, you were angry at yourself. Eridan had kissed you, but you were the one who had liked it.

By lunch, you couldn't stop thinking about him. You saw him, just like every other day, walking alone through the hallway towards the cafeteria. Biting your lip, you pushed through a throng and people until you were right in front of him. He looked surprised to see you. Neither of you said anything-neither of you wanted to be the first one to break the unspoken agreement that outside Wednesday afternoons, you two were total strangers.

"We need to talk." You had broken the silence. There was a brief, awkward pause, both of you moving to the wall to avoid people still making their way down the hall.

"I guess," Eridan said, sounding a bit dazed. It got quieter as the halls began to clear out, most people having gone to the cafeteria by now. You two were practically alone.

"Be honest with me," you started shakily, still thinking of what exactly you wanted to know, "Why did you kiss me?"

He ran a hand through his hair, shifting nervously from one foot to the other. "It just kinda happened, I guess? I never planned it. Not to say I hadn't thought about it before..." He stopped, his voice having gone quiet. "I told you I was sorry, an' I really meant it. It was uncalled for, an' totally insensitive on my part an' basically I fucked up."

"If you had just kissed me I would've been fine," you said, "but you kissed me and I liked it. A lot." As soon as the words left your mouth, it felt like a weight had been lifted. Now at least someone knew. Your secret was a little less heavy, and yet the guilt was still there.

"Oh," Eridan said, his voice hushed and his eyes downcast. "So, what are you gonna do about it?" His eyes were uncertain.

"I..." Whatever words you were going to say died on your lips. "I don't know."


	2. ===> Sollux: Figure Shit Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sollux attempts to figure shit out.

You kind of wish you didn’t exist.  
‘I don’t know’ was probably the worst answer you could’ve given, but here you were in the awkward silence following your words. You were still just as clueless as before.  
“Will talkin’ about it make you feel better?” Eridan asked, chewing on his bottom lip.  
“Yeah, okay. Not now, though. Give me some time.”  
You awkwardly exchanged phone numbers and went your separate ways. Your eyes lingered on Eridan as he left the hallway. You felt like your entire body was empty-all your emotions were pressing on your from the outside, rather than coming from within.  
The guilt still sat on your shoulders, its heavy weight only growing the more you tried to ignore it. You’d always had some degree of intense self-loathing, but never like this-never so constant, so urgent. You felt like crying, but you didn’t.  
You floated through the rest of the day, always half in a daze, barely paying attention to anything going on around you. People talked to you and it sounded like they were underwater, voices lost into bubbles of air floating above your head. And you were drowning, drowning, drowning.

It was only the first day of the rest of your life post-Eridan, and you hated yourself and you hated existing and you just hated with no target at all. You disappeared into your room when you got home (which wasn’t abnormal) and immediately started up your PC. You felt like you could at least lose yourself to a few hours of mindless games.  
You scanned your steam library for something hard enough to occupy you but easy enough to keep you from getting too angry. You frowned, none of the titles even sounding appealing. You were stuck on that one; you had beaten another 12 times already; that game wasn’t even worth the money. You finally decided on a choice and then you felt your phone buzzing in your pocket.  
Your stomach dropped. You didn’t text much-the only friend you really talked to used some shitty chat client online and only texted you when you wouldn’t answer. You pulled your phone out of your pocket and read the text from a contact saved as ‘ED’

ED: so  
ED: what about it then

Wow, this guy was impatient as fuck.  
Sol: I just feel  
Sol: Very guilty i guess  
ED: dude wtf  
ED: you didnt do anything wrong this is 100% my fuck-up if you wanna call it that  
Sol: I didn’t say i had a good reason it just kinda happens  
Sol: The guilt i mean  
ED: theres gotta be a reason man  
Sol: well  
Sol: I guess its just like  
Sol: I’m hiding shit from people now and it sucks  
ED: why is your romantic history anyone elses business  
Sol: I dont know  
ED: so im guessing what your tryin not to say to me is  
ED: ‘holy shit i sure dont wanna be gay’  
ED: but at the same time holy shit youre fuckin gay  
Sol: Its not that i dont wanna be gay its just  
Sol: Being gay seems scary  
ED: well  
ED: it is kinda scary at first  
ED: my family doesnt really care and i dont have any friends that would  
ED: the only person ive really worried about carin  
ED: is you  
Sol: Why the fuck would you care what I think about you we like just met  
ED: because i had a crush on you dumbass

Oh. That hit you like a ton of bricks, even thought it made perfect sense. The words made the whole situation feel too real. Now you had to worry not only about coming to terms with your sexuality but actually pursuing a relationship. You didn’t think you were ready to even consider that.

ED: didnt mean to scare you off there

You hadn’t replied to Eridan for about two minutes at this point.

Sol: …

You didn’t really have anything to say, but you wanted to let him know you weren’t ignoring him.

ED: come on what the hell am i supposed to make of that  
ED: ah yes let me by the mysterious asshole with my asshole ellipsis  
ED: HAHAHA sol fuckin hilarious

You couldn’t help but laugh at his little rant. It was like he was a kid throwing a temper tantrum just because he didn’t get what he wanted. You could practically see him on the other side of the screen rolling his eyes like he always does, taking in deep breaths so he’d have enough air to get all the words out and slipping ever farther into his wavy accent.

Sol: Sorry man I don’t exactly know what to say thats just  
Sol: Weird to think about  
ED: yeah sorry the heart wants what the heart wants or whatever im honestly not too happy about it either  
Sol: ouch, that stings  
ED: you know i didnt mean it like that you shit

There was a pause as both of you waited for the other to respond. Eventually, you got fed up of waiting.

Sol: I think I just need some time  
Sol: like some time to get used to this  
ED: does that mean ‘i want you to leave me alone’  
Sol: No  
Sol: You might be an asshole but hey at least you aren’t boring  
ED: fuck off

It seemed like an appropriate place to end the conversation. Of course, now you had no distraction from your own thoughts.  
The amount of shit you had to think about was overwhelming. You started with Eridan-it was kind of hard to get him out of your mind, anyway.  
How did you feel about him? He was an asshole, you knew that. He was probably the most interesting person you knew, and you hated to admit that you looked forward to your weekly conversations. You hated to admit that you enjoyed his company. You also hated him in an irresistible sort of way. You hated his soft lips and his pretty face and his perfect hair.  
This train of thought was getting you nowhere. And yet, what could keep you from thinking about it? Maybe you’d just picture Eridan’s face so much you’d get sick of it. You were definitely thinking about it so much it was making your chest ache. Fuck. That probably wasn’t good.  
What you really didn’t want to think about was the future. How the hell would you actually pursue a relationship with a guy? You didn’t want to take him home to meet your family any time soon, not just because you didn’t know if they were homophobic. Eridan was spiteful, angry, unpleasant, rude, and had a notoriously sleazy brother-basically everything your family wouldn’t approve of. Of course, your family’s opinions had never been your number one priority, but having a partner that your family hated wouldn’t be ideal.  
You wondered if your family hated gay people. You wondered if you church or your few friends would hate you if they found out. For some reason, you weren’t scared when you thought about it. There was a numbness in your chest when you thought about how everyone you knew would react, your mind immediately jumping to the worst conclusions. Nervousness eventually started creeping into the back of your mind as your imagination turned sour. You really needed a distraction.  
You spent the rest of the evening with a heavy guilt settled in the back of your mind, distracting yourself with games and food and tv. The day felt hollow. You felt hollow.

You woke up to soft yellow light, which felt incredibly uncomfortable. Someone had turned your light on, probably because you weren’t waking up. It was almost definitely your older brother. Asshole.  
You were distracted as you got ready for school, and you were distracted throughout class. You were never a particularly attentive student, but today it was at an extreme. You probably couldn’t remember anything from your first four class periods if you tried.

Nervousness settled in the pit of your stomach as lunch rolled around. You knew you were going to see Eridan. You searched for him in the halls, surprised to find him already looking at you when you located him. You couldn’t read his expression and that only made you more nervous.

He quickly closed the distance between you, navigating perfectly through the crowded hallway. You didn’t know what to say when he reached you, both of you simply turning and walking side-by-side towards the cafeteria.  
“So, we’re eating lunch together now?” You asked, tilting your head to the side.  
“As if you have anyone better to spend your time with,” he grumbled back without missing a beat.  
You got your food in silence, finding a secluded place to sit down that didn’t seem suspiciously private. Nobody was paying attention to you anyway-you didn’t know about Eridan, but you doubted more than 10 people in your whole school even remembered your name. You were probably more likely to be referred to as ‘guy with the lisp’ or ‘computer nerd’

Eridan was the first one to bring up what was obviously on both of your minds.

“So, did you think about it?” He asked, trying to look nonchalant about the question. You couldn’t help but notice the way his eyes nervously scanned your face. It made you grin without even thinking about it.  
“Wow, you’re really desperate aren’t you?” You said, unable to resist the insult. A grin played at your lips as you watched Eridan immediately take up a defensive stance.  
“I’m gettin’ real tired of your bullshit, Sol,” he muttered, turning away from you and making an unmistakable pout. You were caught a little off guard by the nickname, however. You’d noticed it when he texted you but figured he was just too lazy to type the three extra letters, but no, it was actually just what he had decided to call you.  
“If you absolutely have to know, yes. I thought about it, and I still don’t fucking know,” you said, wincing at your own defensive tone.  
“That’s all I wanted to know, thanks,” he said bitterly, obviously annoyed with you. There really wasn’t ever a time when Eridan wasn’t annoyed with you, but you didn’t mind. 

There was an awkward silence as you realized that you had nothing to say to him. You’d never really had a conversation that lasted more than ten minutes and even then nothing you said to him had much substance. Honestly, you didn’t even know who the hell this guy was apart from his initial personality.  
This was still on your mind when Eridan broke the silence by complaining loudly. You genuinely didn’t know what the hell he was talking about because he was saying words faster than you could comprehend in that accent that was already weird as hell and hard to understand. You did, however, recognize the exasperated tone and exaggerated hand motions that always accompanied one of his tirades.  
About halfway through his rant, you smirked and said, “Dude, shut the hell up.”  
He immediately stopped talking, hands freezing in the middle of one of his wild gesticulations. He looked more surprised than offended as he put his hands down and just looked at you. You couldn’t help but wonder what he was thinking, or if you had just interrupted something very important that you hadn’t been paying attention to.

The silence dragged on for a painful moment before Eridan almost whispered, “I have no idea what the fuck I was just talkin’ about.”  
You couldn’t help but laugh. “Your ability to talk shit without even thinking about it amazes me.”  
“The only amazing thing here is your ability to be a piece of shit,” he grumbled, crossing his arms as his face settled into a discontented pout.

You were a mixture of relieved and disappointed when the bell rang, dismissing you from lunch. It was hard to believe it had been thirty minutes already. One awkward goodbye later, Eridan was gone and you were left with the rest of the day to think about...Well, everything. All over again.

You had at least some of your feelings sorted out by the time you opened your front door. You decided that, stupid as it may be, you didn't care if your family hated Eridan. You also decided they wouldn't meet him, which kind of made the first point void anyway. Nobody would meet Eridan because you would hide your sexuality for the foreseeable future. You would also attempt to pursue your relationship with Eridan. This was in no way a flawed and terrible plan, you decided, and wouldn't get you into deep shit later. Totally not. You were a fucking genius. 

You happily put everything out of your mind, losing yourself in video games and writing shitty computer programs. That is, until Eridan texted you.

ED: dude youll never fuckin believe this shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay time for some long ass notes, I like to ramble.  
> Please tell me what you think of my writing style, tell me what I'm doing wrong, tell me if I'm just completely fucking up Sollux or Eridan's personality, and tell me what you want to see from the story. I have very little of the plot planned because I want this story to be flexible!  
> Also sorry if this took a long time to write. I don't actually know how long is considered long since I've never followed an unfinished fic and this is the first multi-chapter fic I've ever written. This is also the first fic I've posted. Which means its probably bad! I excuse the cliches again, but I'm the worst. Thanks for reading and hopefully I'll write another chapter.


	3. Sollux: ===> Have Your Mind Blown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The plot thickens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this chapter is short. I got writer's block so it took an actual eternity! And it's still really short! It feels so long because I wrote it in gross unedited chunks. Hopefully formatting is better on this chapter? I'm learning how to work AO3 very slowly. I'm gonna go ahead and apologize for awkward dialogue, bad grammar, or me literally forgetting the characters' entire personalities.

ED: so  
ED: my fuckin brother just brought someone home  
Sol: Why is this important at all  
ED: cro does not bring people to the house without fuckin them its like a fact of nature  
ED: and this dude is totally the dude hes been goin to the stupid church for  
Sol: did you see what the dude looked like?  
ED: no  
ED: i didnt get a good look at him  
Sol: well that helps me absolutely none  
ED: theyre trying to be sneaky its cute  
ED: not like my parents are home on a friday night but cro doesnt want me knowin he has company

Before you could reply to that, your computer alerted you that someone was messaging you on a shitty chat client.

carcinoGeneticist began pestering twinArmageddons at 19:23

CG: YOU’LL NEVER BELIEVE THIS SHIT  
TA: Please calm down with the caps lock  
CG: Okay look I don’t care  
CG: But my fucking brother just snuck out  
TA: dude

Suddenly, all the pieces of the puzzle fit together.

Kankri Vantas was many things. You knew he was pious and overly proud of his status as a preacher’s son. You knew he was kind of a dick. And now you knew he was sneaking around with Eridan’s sleazy brother.

You couldn’t really judge, in all truth. You were in the same boat-both secretly involved with an Ampora, both presumably hiding your sexuality out of fear. People had much higher expectations of Kankri, however. He would definitely be the one to have it harder. 

You considered telling Karkat everything-you felt like he deserved to know. At the same time, you didn’t want him to know you’d been talking to Eridan and you didn’t want to screw over Kankri. You decided to keep the information away from Karkat, but there was nothing stopping you from sharing your new discovery with Eridan.

Sol: Eridan  
Sol: I found out who your brothers fucking around with  
ED: dude who is it  
Sol: do you know kankri vantas?  
ED: hold on  
ED: you mean karkats brother kankri  
ED: as in like  
ED: the most religious motherfucker i know of  
Sol: Yeah thats the one  
ED: im not even gonna ask how  
ED: because honestly i dont think there will ever be an answer i understand

You ended the conversation on this note, grinning at his disbelief. You thought of returning to your chat with Karkat, only making a decision when you saw that he’d continued to send you messages while you were distracted.

CG: He went off with somebody  
CG: No idea who but I saw their car driving off  
CG: What the fuck man  
TA: I dont know what to tell you

There was a long pause before either of you sent anything.

CG: I’ll find out what the fuck he’s doing eventually  
CG: I’ll keep you posted

carcinoGeneticist ceased trolling twinArmaggedons at 19:34

You had some time to think about your new revelations. You weren’t alone. Maybe it wouldn’t be as bad if you came out second, or maybe it would be worse. Maybe Kankri would come out and you’d found out that nobody is homophobic after all and this is all a big misunderstanding. Maybe you were really good at dreaming.

Despite the somewhat bleak thoughts, you couldn’t help but smile.  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was Wednesday again and you were strangely nervous.

You ate lunch with Eridan every day, you texted him when you got home, and now you were worried about talking to him. You didn’t know if it would be different. You didn’t even know if he’d be there-you hadn’t had the guts to ask.

Just as routine dictated, you stepped outside onto the concrete. The late October wind rustled the leaves and sent a shiver down your spine. You were filled with relief when you saw a douchey scarf.

Eridan stood up when he noticed you, both of you unable to hide your smiles. However, there was a noticaeble tension when you approached each other.

You’d avoided talking about your relationship over the past few days, keeping the topic of conversation more platonic. You didn’t want to think about just yet. Not until you could talk face-to-face, in private. Now was a perfect time, but the butterflies in your stomach said otherwise.

Over those few days, you had busied yourselves by discussing Cronus and Kankri. So much so that you had exhausted the subject-there was nothing more you could say without being repetitive. It's not like you really cared about them, anyway. They were just a distraction so you didn't have to face your own problems.

You realized with a start that you'd gotten lost in your thoughts, and Eridan was...really close to you? Weirdly close. He looked nervous and…sheepish? He was biting his bottom lip, a blush starting to appear on his cheeks.

“Are you, uh, not cool with kissin’?” He asked, looking away from your face.

Oh. He was trying to greet you with a peck on the lips, and you weren’t even paying attention. You guessed he’d stopped before leaning in all the way, noticing the way you were completely fucking spaced out.

Now it was time to answer a question you'd both been avoiding. You were torn on the subject for two reasons.

1\. You really wanted to kiss Eridan Ampora  
2\. You didn’t ever want to be caught kissing Eridan Ampora

But now you had to make a decision. “Um, no, kissing is cool. I mean, if that’s what you want to do.” Add that to the list of the worst possible responses. 

Despite your uncharacteristically timid stuttering, Eridan’s eyes lit up. He smiled wide, all his perfect white teeth showing. He was practically bouncing up and down, abandoning his usual sarcastic asshole shtick.

“So, do you mind if…?” He was back to the nervous lip-biting, making you roll you eyes. Against your better judgment, you stood on your tip-toes and pressed your lips together. He bent down slightly, allowing you to sink back onto your heels comfortably.

You never really considered the face that you had no experience with kissing people. Not a kiss that lasted more than a few seconds, anyway. You wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him a little closer in an attempt to keep from just standing there and doing nothing.

His lips were soft and gentle and intoxicating. He kept the kiss tame, to your dismay, but you still couldn't complain. Right now, nothing existed but the two of you. That is, until you faintly heard the click of the small wooden door opening.

Your heart dropped. You felt yourself pressing yourself closer to Eridan even as your lips pulled apart, you hands instinctively clutching at his scarf. And then you were frozen in fear, staring helplessly at the door as it opened wider and someone stepped out.

You could almost immediately hear a loud string of nearly-incomprehensible words, mostly consisting of loud swearing. When the person actually saw you clinging onto Eridan with faces still only centimeters apart, the rant came to an abrupt end. Uncomfortable silence filled the air. 

“What the fuck,” Karkat said quietly, more a statement than a question. He looked towards the ground and sighed. “Okay. Ignore that for a minute.”

You were happy to oblige, some of the fear melting away when you realized who it was. “So, why are you back here then?” You asked shakily, removing yourself from Eridan and taking a step to the side. 

“Fucking Kankri, man.” He paused for a moment, seemingly unsure of where to start his next sentence. “I don’t know what’s gotten into him.”

“…And?” You prompted impatiently. You knew what he was going to tell you. Not exactly, of course, but you knew it must have something to do with Cronus.

“Dad asked me to grab something from the storage closet and lo and fucking behold if Kankri isn’t crammed in there making out with some asshole! Spitting image of your _friend_ there.” Karkat narrowed his eyes and pointed towards Eridan. You cringed a little at his skeptical tone on the word ‘friend.’

“Well, mystery solved!” Eridan said a little too enthusiastically, face immediately falling when he was met with awkward silence. The air was heavy with unspoken words. You were all tip-toeing around what nobody wanted to say.

“And then I came to find you out here because you’re not fucking slick when you come here EVERY Wednesday, Sollux,” Karkat started again, “And what the fuck do I find?”

You couldn’t tell if he was angry or just his regular brand of done-with-everyone’s-shit. You could only hope it was the latter. “So, what exactly does this mean?” You asked tentatively, not sure it was the question you were looking for.

“Somebody’s got a lot of fucking explaining to do. And don’t give me any bullshit.” He crossed his arms and stared straight at you, his eyes impatient. 

You were surprised when Eridan spoke up almost immediately. “I don’t know if you know who I am, but if you’re about to get pissy over two dudes kissin' then we’re gonna have a fuckin'-“

“I don’t have a problem with it, calm the fuck down!” Karkat grumbled, rolling his eyes. He seemed much less calm than Eridan. 

“Then what do I need to explain?” You asked, aware that you were getting defensive but unable to find yourself caring much about it.

“Well, I figure there’s some connection between him and the other one,” he said, pointing to Eridan, “And I don’t think you or Kankri could pick a worse place than this to mess around.”

“Well, you’re not wrong on that one,” You admitted begrudgingly. 

“And if it matters, we're good fucking friends and I thought that maybe you’d tell me something like this,” He added a bit more quietly. He brought up a good point. Karkat was your only close friend, but you didn’t exactly tell each other everything. There was also his huge mouth, but you couldn’t mention that without him getting defensive and you didn’t have time to deal with that.

“Look, it’s not like I’ve had some secret thing going on for months. This is new. Kankri’s thing has been going on for a while, though,” You said, deciding it would be best to shift the subject away from yourself. 

“And you didn’t think to tell me about THAT?” He countered.

“I didn’t exactly know it was Kankri until very recently.” You shrugged, pulling out your phone to check the time. Fuck. “I’d love to continue, but if we do, we’re gonna be late.”

Karkat opened his mouth to reply, but nothing came out. He silently glared at you, turning back towards to door. “At least tell me everything you know about Kankri.”

“Yeah, I will,” You mumbled, starting to follow him into the building. You glanced back at Eridan who looked more tired than anything. “See you later, man.”

“Yeah, see you later,” He replied quietly, expression blank. 

Sitting in the same room as Karkat for the next hour wasn’t just awkward. It was torture.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha what is pacing  
> Okay please know I did edit this a little bit. It made it slightly less bad. You should've seen the original


	4. Sollux ===> Get Yourself Further Into This Mess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It keeps getting messier.

You were vaguely aware of words being spoken, but you couldn’t understand any of them. You were too busy anxiously studying Karkat’s face, waiting for any sign of emotion to flicker across his features. You weren’t exactly subtle about it either, sheepishly darting your eyes away every time he glanced in your direction and gave you a familiar glare.

Karkat wasn’t mad at you. He was constantly mad at you, but it never really meant anything. If Karkat was truly angry, you’d know about it and you might be worried, but right now he was merely frustrated with his lack of knowledge about the situation.

You didn’t know what to expect after being dismissed. Half of you assumed Karkat would confront you again and demand a more in-depth explanation, but another part of you thought he would just ignore you. The former appeared to be correct.

Without a word, he grabbed your arm and led you silently to a place where you could speak privately. Instead of protesting, you spent the time acknowledging to gnawing anxiety in your gut. This wasn’t a conversation you were keen to have with anyone, not even yourself. 

Karkat let go of your arm, turning around to face you. He was at least a full head shorter than you, but you still felt small under his piercing gaze. He didn’t look angry, just frustrated.

“Tell me about this Ampora kid. Yours, not Kankri’s,” he started, his features softening as he leaned back against the wall. He looked like he was ready to wait a while for your answer.

“I met Eridan around a month ago, out there. He said his brother is his ride home but he started stopping by here before service to hook up with someone. He was…” You thought back to that first encounter, still fresh in your memory. “He was a fucking asshole.”

“Yeah, I can see how much you can’t stand the guy,” Karkat interjected sarcastically, narrowing his eyes at you. 

“He was a dick, but he was interesting! We talked about his brother and who he might be hooking up with, and it came up that both he and his brother are pansexual. The week after that I was asking some questions and he kind of kissed me?” You could feel your voice getting smaller as you made the confession, unable to meet Karkat’s eyes.

You took his silence as a cue to continue. “And then everything just kind of happened after that. The day Kankri snuck out Eridan told me that Cronus took someone home and the pieces fit. That’s how I found out about them. Happy?”

Karkat sighed his usual exasperated sigh. “Yes. I’m happy.” You’d never heard anyone sound less happy. “But you didn’t think of, I don’t know, mentioning any of this to me?”

You tried to think of something to say, looking at everything but Karkat’s face in a vain attempt to relieve some of the tension between the two of you. “I kind of thought it was something I needed to deal with by myself. You know, sort myself out before I dragged anyone else into it.”

“Sollux, you’re so fucking stupid! Dealing with this shit alone is terrible!” He was at a weird kind of whisper-shout that was still uncomfortably loud. Your eyes darted around the hallway, checking to make sure nobody was close enough to overhear you.

“How would you know?” You hissed, feeling a familiar defensive anger bubble in the pit of your stomach. Who did he think he was, anyway? Why did he think he knew half of what you were going through?

“I’ve known I was pan for years, and you’re the first person I’ve told.” He let his vulnerability seep into his voice. 

Oh.

“I’m sorry, Karkat.” You didn’t know what you were sorry about, but it felt like the right response. You felt terrible, now, for being angry with him.

“Some asshole didn’t come along and sweep me off my feet, either,” He said bitterly, crossing his arms and looking away from you.

You were back to feeling guilty.

 

Everything was so _messy_. You felt like you were stuck; there was no way out of this now. Even if you wanted to, you couldn’t cut off Eridan and pretend like none of this had ever happened. The finality of it terrified you.

Eventually they would find out. Everyone would find out. You couldn’t hide something this important forever, no matter how hard you tried. You didn’t even know if you wanted to hide it.

How bad could it really get? Actually, you didn’t want to think about it. You didn’t want to think about anything. You wished you could distract yourself from the constant thrum of your thoughts, but any effort was useless. 

It wasn’t even dark out and you were tired. You were _exhausted_. You wished you could sleep for a thousand years and wake up when everything and everyone was gone and you wouldn’t have to worry about them any more.

Your phone buzzed in your pocket. 

You saw the familiar contact name: ED. You considered ignoring him, but you knew that would happen as read the message.

ED: hey babe are you okay

God, you fucking hated him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while, I think. Has it been over a month? Probably. Sorry! This chapter is also really short. Seriously, I don't think it even breaks 1000 words which is honestly a piss poor excuse for a chapter but this just seemed like such a great place to end it. Maybe I'll write the next one really fast. I swear I'll finish this one day and maybe it'll even be good.


	5. Sollux ==> Panic

You tossed your phone back and forth between your hands, every second passing decreasing your chance of replying to Eridan’s text. You felt bad for ignoring him, of course, but not acknowledging his existence would make life _so much easier._

You dropped the phone onto your bed, deciding finally that replying right now wouldn’t be a good idea. You resigned yourself to starting up your computer and opening your favourite shitty chat client.

TA began pestering GC at 19:32

TA: Hey kk  
TA: How do I deal with this  
CG: WOW! You’re asking ME? The MASTER of advice?? Karkat Vantas, the one with INFINITE KNOWLEDGE on the gay experience??!  
TA: Okay calm down  
CG: Sollux, you know that’s asking a lot of me  
CG: But I mean what do you expect me to tell you  
CG: If you haven’t noticed I haven’t exactly DEALT with anything!  
TA: God it fucking sucks  
CG: Yeah  
CG: Yeah I know it fucking sucks  
CG: I guess it sucks less when you’re not alone  
CG: Wow fucking listen to that sappy bullshit  
TA: How have you hidden for this long  
CG: Well, I don’t have a stupid douchebag boyfriend!

This wasn’t making you feel better at all.

TA: Yeah youre right i guess 

TA ceased pestering CG at 19:36

You felt a little shitty for leaving the conversation so suddenly, but you wanted to be angry. You knew the only thing that could help was to spend a while feeling sorry for yourself, and there was no point in bringing everyone else down because of it.

There were a thousand thoughts running through your head. Everything was too loud, too much- every new idea was like a punch in the gut. Your ears were ringing with the contents of your overactive mind as you stared at your ceiling in the dark.

You really couldn't go back now. After that first kiss, you could've left this all behind you. Just a phase, just an accident, his fault, really. Nothing had to change, but everything did because you didn’t have any self control. You wanted him, that's what got you into this mess. You wanted and wanted and wanted and didn't think about the consequences before you were in too deep to get out without hurting someone.

You could still get out, possibly, but at what cost? Karkat might feel betrayed if you decided to rescind all you've said and done. Eridan probably wouldn't take it well either, but maybe he didn't care. That was a whole other can of worms that you'd refused to open until now.

You were risking a lot with this relationship, and you thought Eridan was risking significantly less. You inadvertently put a lot of trust in him, a lot more than you were comfortable with. While you were around him, you felt safe, but now that he wasn't there and you were faced with the reality of the situation, you were terrified.

And there was always the thought: What if Eridan wasn't as invested as you were? There was no way to find out, you doubted he'd be straightforward if you asked. The uncertainty was killing you.

There was nothing you could do, for now. You were much too scared to risk coming out to anyone else, but you weren't going to leave Eridan behind like a stupid mistake. The idea left a bad taste in your mouth.

These thoughts plagued you well into the night, leaving you unable to sleep. It was two am, and you were left aimlessly trying to distract yourself with your phone. Your eyes hurt, you were exhausted, but you couldn't sleep.

You opened your messages, staring at the last text Eridan sent you. Without thinking, you began typing.

Sol: I miss you

God, you sounded needy.

You put your phone down and closed your eyes, unconscious before you could feel it buzz in reply.

 

You opened your eyes blearily, groaning as you realized you needed to get up. As you rolled over, you could feel the sharp edge of your phone digging into your side. You fumbled for your glasses on your bedside table and eventually managed to get them on your face while you unlocked your phone.

Eridan had texted you at 2:35 am, which was worrying enough, but then you realized that you had texted Eridan at 2:34 am.

ED: is this where we are now in this relationship  
ED: i miss you too man but like go to sleep

You felt like chucking your phone across the room. You felt like chucking yourself across the room.

You were embarrassed at yourself, but you swallowed your feelings and went on with your morning. Getting ready for school was uneventful-skip breakfast, throw on a t-shirt, complain to anyone who would listen. You felt like you existed somewhere outside of the routine, watching yourself exist around other people. Nothing you did held any meaning.

You drifted through school, slowly becoming more anxious as the day went by. You felt like you were in slow motion, and an intense air of dread hung around you like a storm cloud. 

“Hey!” You jumped a little as a familiar voice caught you off guard in the nearly-empty hallway.

It was hard not to smile when you turned around and saw Eridan’s toothy grin. You were surprised at how unabashedly happy he was to see you. He walked right up beside you, grinning like a fool, seemingly oblivious to your somber mood.

“I hope you didn't miss me too much today,” he said, his grin suddenly seeming wolfish.

“Oh, fuck off!” You began walking faster. Of course he was happy; he had chance to give you hell.

“Soooolllluuuxxxx,” he whined, trying to keep up with you. You slowed slightly and he nudged your shoulder. “Come on, it was cute.”

You rolled your eyes at him, but you found it hard not to grab his hand as he walked beside you. Of course you were aware that there were people around you and showing outward affection would be ridiculous, but you still _wanted_ to. You wondered if Eridan wanted to.

The time flew by when you were around him. As soon as you greeted him you were waving goodbye, resigning yourself to the slow hours ahead where he existed only in your thoughts. You never thought you would miss constant complaining, but it really grew on you. 

It almost seemed like nothing interesting happened outside of Eridan anymore. Everything passed without you taking interest. Classes dragged by, there were insignificant conversations with insignificant people, and everything blurred together in an incomprehensible mess.

Your house, as of late, had begun to feel different. You no longer felt like you really belonged there. A vague feeling of unease had settled over you whenever you walked through the door. You avoided your dad and brother as much as you could.

The urge to be anywhere else was overwhelming.

Sol: Hey ed  
Sol: I gotta stay at your place tomorrow  
ED: sol what the fuck are you talkin about  
Sol: Well instead of coming home to where I live I'm going to go to where you live and stay there instead  
Sol: Is that simple enough for you  
ED: okay but why  
Sol: I just need to I'll explain it later

The process of asking your dad was painful, but you knew you'd regret if you didn't come home tomorrow without warning. Of course he wanted to know who this new friend was, when you'd be home, how'd you be getting there-everything a concerned father would ask. Somehow, you managed it. He was fairly easy on you, given you rarely left the house. 

You spent another restless night unable to escape the burden of your thoughts. You hadn't truly considered the fact that you were now going to Eridan’s house to spend an extended period of time with him, and suddenly you were kicking yourself for your stupid, impulsive decision. There was also a sort of anxious excitement in the back of your mind. You wished you could speed up time, wished you could already be there, but all you could do was wait for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How long has it been? Too long.
> 
> This chapter seems pretty filler because I need to consolidate all my Sollux-at-Eridan's house ideas. Excuse to inhuman amounts of angst on Sol's part, I can't help that the boy is a walking bag of self-loathing and negativity


	6. ===> Hang Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sollux hangs out at Eridan's, shenanigans immediately ensue

The wait was _agonizing_.

You kept glancing at the clock throughout your classes, finding that only minutes had passed in what seemed to be hours. There was both excitement and dread building in the pit of your stomach. 

Despite time becoming an insufferable crawl, the day eventually went by. You found yourself nervously standing near Eridan, unsure of what to say or do. The ride to his house was uncomfortably silent despite his attempts at conversation. 

Eventually, the wait was over. Cronus didn't get out the car to follow you, he just drove off without a word. You had an idea of what he might be doing, but you turned your attention to the house instead of letting your mind wander.

Eridan’s front door looked more expensive than you whole house.

Maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration, but it was probably the nicest front door you've ever seen. It was made of dark wood, nicely carved with a swirling pattern near the bottom. The whole place looked like something out of a movie, like something an ancient vampire would live in. 

You wouldn’t exactly call it a mansion, but it was fairly large, and definitely spacious enough for a family of four. As you stepped in the front door, the place was just as beautiful on the inside as it was outside. The walls were painted a rich blue, there was an expensive-looking blue and gold rug on the hardwood floors, and a decent-sized aquarium teeming with tiny fish was immediately visible, like some kind of dentist’s office.

“Friday night, parents aren't home, Cro’s out, we’re free to do whatever,” Eridan said, gesturing for you to follow him. He showed you around the place, which had far too many rooms filled with far too many nice things. Eridan’s room was upstairs, and it was probably twice the size of your tiny bedroom. You weren't surprised to see a bed that was covered with a rich violet comforter.

The house was immaculate, like there couldn't possibly be people living in it. There was a constant chill to the air, and even when Eridan was talking there was an empty silence that filled every room. The words echoed off the walls, and it smelled like cold winter air.

“Nice place you have here,” you murmured, looking about the room with barely hidden awe. The walls were the same blue as the rest of the house. The large white dresser had various knick-knacks, including a small collection of beautiful seashells.”And what's with the nautical theme?”

“Dad made his fortune at sea,” Eridan said, chuckling. “He misses it, an’ paintin’ the place up like the ocean helps. I kinda like the aesthetic of it, you know.” He lazily ran a hand against the wall for emphasis

“I should've known you'd be someone worried about your aesthetic, you fucking hipster,” you said, rolling your eyes. He opened his mouth to protest, but seemed to realize it would be a losing battle with all the evidence stacked against him.

“Whatever, make yourself at home, asshole.”

You wore a brief shit-eating grin in light of your small victory, but quickly busied yourself in studying to room again. It seemed the most lived-in space in the house, which made sense. Still, everything was neatly organized compared to your disaster of a room.

Something on the dresser caught your eye. There were a couple bottles of nail polish in a small cluster, almost shoved behind a shell-encrusted picture frame. One was Eridan’s signature shade of violet, one black, and one dark pink. You cracked a smile, picking up the pink bottle.

“I didn't know you painted your nails,” you said, turning the bottled over in your hands. It looked like a nice brand, probably expensive.

“Yeah, I don't really anymore. It's kinda a hassle to do on your own,” he said, sitting down on the couch pushed up against the wall opposite of you.

“Did someone do it for you?”

“Yeah, I had this girlfriend an’ we would paint each other's nails matchin’ colors an’ shit. That was more her color than mine-” He pointed to the bottle you held in your hands- “but I liked it alright. Just haven't been bothered since.”

You put down the pink bottle and picked up the black. “You painted your nails black?” You asked with a chuckle and a wolfish grin. 

You saw the defensive look in Eridan’s eyes before the words even left his mouth. 

“Look,” he said with a tone that only made you smile more, “black is a perfectly nice color an’ I know your mind is jumpin’ to a thousand ways to grill me, but just shut the hell up before you even start or I'll make you sleep on the floor.” He folded his arms across his chest in an adorable pout.

“And I'm guessing the purple was your favourite?” You asked, ignoring his little tirade and switching the black bottle for the purple.

“Yeah,” he grunted, turning his head to look at anything except you and maintaining his pout.

Still holding onto the bottle, you sat beside him and placed your arm on the back of the couch, hand resting on Eridan’s shoulder. He made a point to ignore you, theatrically turning his face away with an indignant, “Hmph!”

“You're cute when you're angry,” you said, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek.

“Fuck you!” He said, blushing furiously.

“So,” you continued, ignoring his fabricated anger, “do you wanna paint your nails again?”

He grunted in response, crossing his arms and refusing to look you in the eye. “Maybe.”

“Okay, what do you want from me?”

“Let me paint yours first,” he said, the discontent facade breaking into a smile.

“Eh, what the hell.”

A month ago you would've never considered painting your nails-you would've laughed at the thought. But what was there to lose, really, if you picked it off before you went home? Besides, you couldn't pass up on the opportunity to see Eridan with violet nails. 

He surprised you when he opened a drawer and pulled out even more bottles of nail polish. “Those three were just my favourite,” he explained, setting out at least 12 more bottles. There were more tucked away in the drawer that he didn’t bother setting out.

“You really don’t fuck around,” you observed, looking through the colors. They were pretty standard; a dark red, a sparkly blue, a shade of pastel purple. 

He shrugged. “I like variety. Now, do you wanna choose or should I?”

You glanced over the bottles again, but none of the colors really caught your attention. “You choose, master of nail polish.”

He kept his mouth shut, but you could see him roll his eyes as he started fiddling with the bottles, reading the names of the colors and debating which would look best. After about a minute of deliberation, he took a bottle of bright red and the glittery blue.

“I couldn't decide on one, so we’ll do alternatin’.”

“Fine, whatever,” you said, putting out your hand. He looked resentful at your nonchalance, but continued.

You absolutely hated the smell of nail polish. It wasn't something you’d dealt with before, and it hit you as soon as Eridan opened the red bottle. The scent was acrid and, admittedly, more unpleasant than unbearable, but you made a show of it anyway.

“You'll get used to it,” he muttered as you crinkled your nose in an over-exaggerated manner. 

Staying still was _nearly fucking impossible_. Especially when Eridan was so cute when he got frustrated. He was trying really hard to do a good job, but fucking with him was always your highest priority.

“Oh my _god_ , I’m gonna splash this bottle in your fuckin’ face if you don’t stop squirmin’!”

“I can barely stand the smell from here, I’ll fucking die. How much longer is it gonna take?” He was finished with your right hand and just starting on the forefinger of your left.

“Just stay still for one minute and then you can do mine as shitty as you like,” he muttered, and you realized that you’d completely forgotten about that. It was a little embarrassing, given that the only reason he was painting your nails was so you could see him with that stupid purple nail polish on. You’d never messed with nail polish in your life and it would probably look terrible, but that would really make it better.

“Maybe if you let me paint them more I’d get better at it. And you don’t even know if I’m bad yet, I could be a god damn prodigy.”

“Hm.” He raised his eyebrows, the side of his mouth curling into a grin. “You wanna make this a regular thing?”

You raised you right hand, careful not to touch anything, and looked at the alternating blue and red polish. “This looks pretty decent, so I don’t see why not.”

There was a jolt of electricity that ran through your stomach as you looked over your painted nails. This felt forbidden, like you were doing something dirty and getting away with it. You wondered what your dad would say if you walked into your house with nail polish on, if you went to school with it. Maybe he’d yell. Maybe he’d be worried. Maybe he’d ask you about Eridan, if he was gay, if you were. That’s the kind of assumptions people made about things like this-doing something girly made you gay. You kind of wanted him to ask, to find out, but you knew your fear would outweigh that desire.

“Finished, don’t touch anything. Give it a minute to dry before you start on mine,” Eridan said, bringing you out of your thoughts. Your left hand looked just as good as the right and you smiled. You liked it. Nothing about this felt degrading like you thought it would, like you’d been taught to think it would, it just felt like fun.

“How often do you have to dye that?” You asked after a moment, pointing at the purple streak in the middle of Eridan’s hair, still waiting for him to tell you that your nails should be dry.

“A little over a month. Not too much of a hassle once you get used to it.” He hummed absentmindedly for a few moments. “You nails should be fine for now. Be careful, but you can start on mine.”

Eridan rolled his eyes when you immediately went for the purple bottle and put his hand out for you. You opened the bottle, still not to fond of the smell, and started with the brush. It was exactly hard-it was kind of like coloring in the lines. It looked streaky compared to yours, but it wasn’t like you were getting nail polish all over the place. Eridan was much better at staying still, and you figured he was just trying to make it easier on you. 

“I can tell you’ve never done this before,” he said after you finished the first hand, but there was no bite to his voice. 

“Fight me about it,” you muttered, more concerned with maintaining concentration on what you were doing. Not only was it a shittier job, but you were managing to take a lot longer than Eridan did. He didn’t look like he minded, though.

You looked at your finished work with a smile, thoroughly impressed with yourself. Was it the best? No, but here Eridan was with a shitty violet manicure and a dumb grin on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, it's been over six months since I updated this. New year new me, I guess. Anyway I totally didn't forget about this I just got really slump-y and kinda fell out of Homestuck for a while. I'm hoping to power through and finish the story within the coming months and start some new projects. Shout out to anyone who read the other chapters and actually reads this one after waiting so long, you're the real MVPs.


	7. Sollux: ===> Check Your Damn Phone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sollux spends the night at Eridan's house, and he gets some news.

You woke up in Eridan’s bed, holding Eridan’s hand, and smelling Eridan’s horrible morning breath. Your first instinct was to look at your phone and find out the time, a familiar morning ritual of someone with a mythically irregular sleep schedule. You pushed away the thoughts about your current situation.

It was just kinda weird. It was also 10 a.m and you had a bunch of unread texts. But mostly, it was weird.

Sleeping in your friend’s bed was a normal sleepover thing, right? Was it normal when your friend was also your boyfriend? Did that make it more taboo, or less? Not everything bed-related had to be inherently sexual, right? Eridan was very cute when he was sleeping, and you were very tired. You did a mental shrug, closed your bleary eyes, and snuggled a little closer. 

You listened to Eridan’s heartbeat, felt the rise and fall of his chest. The spark of nervousness sitting in your chest kept you from going back to sleep, and there was no sign he was waking up anytime soon. This was weird, you’d only known each other for like a month, this was going way too fast. But it was just space, just physical contact, just existing in the generally vicinity of each other.

And that’s really what you wanted to do, to exist near Eridan. God, that sounded sappy. Maybe his melodrama was rubbing off on you.

After a few minutes of contemplation on the semantics of relationships and bed-sharing, you remembered, quite vaguely, the texts that showed up on your home screen, and wondered who the hell would talk to you that much.

KK: SOLLUX HOLY FUCK  
KK: Are you awake  
KK: Please answer me  
KK: Dad just kicked Kankri out Sollux answer me

Oh, well, fuck. They were sent as 9:32, it hadn’t been that long, but just long enough to fill you with a sense of crushing guilt for living your happy little romance while Karkat was left to suffer. Or, well, Kankri was probably suffering just a tad more, but still, you imagine Karkat was freaking out. He was prone to do that. 

And what could you say? What does anyone say to that? ‘That’s rough, buddy?’ You nervously shoved a hand through your hair, which stuck straight up because it was gross and unwashed. Okay, say _something_ , anything, at least so he knows you’re awake. 

Sol: Ah fuck dude I’m sorry I was asleep are you alright

You swallowed dryly. It was good enough.

You waited an agonizing few minutes, your back now turned to Eridan’s still-sleeping form, and you found your fingers still anxiously dancing across his palm. Everyone once in awhile, his fingers twitched, and he shifted slightly.

You didn’t know if you wanted Eridan to be awake. You wanted someone to vent to, to comfort you, to say it’ll be alright. You didn’t want him to see you stressed out, to know this side of your life, closeted and insecure and wrapped up in a ring of homophobic parents. He was so sure of himself, you didn’t want him to think you were ashamed of him. He was so easily affronted...it’d be easier if he just didn’t know. 

KK: Yeah of course I’M fucking fine it’s not ME you need to worry about  
KK: I don’t know where the fuck Kankri is  
KK: I heard a car drive off I think that Ampora kid’s car was here I don’t know 

Okay. You could actually be useful in this situation. You slipped out of bed as quietly as possible (not very quietly), and Eridan’s eyes fluttered open as soon as your foot hit the floor. 

He mumbled something incoherent and made a little grabby gesture towards you. Now was _not_ the time for cute shit. 

“Go back to sleep, I’ll be back in a minute,” You whisper-hissed, still stepping lightly through the room. Eridan rolled over and didn’t move. You let out a sigh of relief.

Sol: Alright I’m at Ampora’s house I’m gonna check and see if Cro’s car is here  
KK: WHY  
KK: You know, I won’t ask 

You could always trust Karkat, when it came down to it, not to ask. It’s one of the reasons you stuck around him. (Although you knew, eventually, he would ask, and he’d expect an answer out of you. But that was down the road.)

You made your way downstairs and peeked out one of the windows, out to the driveway. There was a car there, something sleek and expensive-looking, but it wasn’t Cronus’s.

Sol: Cronus isn’t here  
Sol: How long ago did you maybe hear them leave  
KK: Like twenty minutes? There was a lot of yelling before he walked out  
KK: I mean I know I’ve got a pair of lungs but they put me to god damn shame  
Sol: Did he walk out or get kicked out?  
KK: Kind of both  
KK: Dad ‘suggested’ that he not come back into the house until he  
KK: Pardon the god damn pun ‘straightened out his attitude’  
KK: And then they argued for a while and then he walked out and I heard someone pull up and promptly drive right the fuck back off  
Sol: Hold on wait Cro’s car is pulling up

You recognized it immediately, partially because of the familiar look and partially because you’d become intimately familiar with Cronus’s terrible driving. He screeched into the driveway, and you took a brief second to contemplate whether you should scurry back upstairs or sit in the living room and eavesdrop.

Your indecision made the choice for you; while you were deciding what to do, the doorknob clicked and the door swung open. You scrambled to look nonchalant, like you _weren’t_ some strange kid spying out the window. 

Cronus stepped in, looking a little frazzled, and immediately locked eyes with you. A cigarette hung lazily out the side of his open mouth and he gave you a look that was almost pleading.

You turned your head to the side in quiet understanding, just catching his faint sigh of relief.

As soon as he turned away, you looked back, of course, and saw him leading Kankri by the hand. Kankri, wearing his signature red turtleneck even though the weather didn’t quite call for it, his face red and blotchy, staring forward in a daze. They disappeared into the nearest hallway and you could hear footsteps ascending the stairs.

Sol: Found your brother  
KK: Is he okay?  
Sol: He looks pretty fucking bummed but I think he’ll be alright  
Sol: And if it makes you feel better the Ampora’s are fucking living it up  
KK: Shut up, asshole

That seemed like as good a place as any to end it. And anyway, thinking about it was stressing you out.

And speaking of stress, there was Eridan.

He stuck his head in the doorway, glasses askew on his freckled face. His hair was a mess, and it was the first time you’d gotten a good look at it without half a bottle of product in it. He blinked his sleepy, squinting eyes a few times.

“Passed Cro on the stairs,” he said, a little hoarse, a little distant.

“Yeah.”

“Had someone with him?”

“Yeah, that was Kankri.”

“Gross.”

You took a long second to think about.

“Gross,” you agreed. He’d find about everything later. Now wasn’t the time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Rises from my grave, holding a slim jim between my fingers like a cigarette* I lived, bitch


End file.
